I hate to admit it

December 8, 2011 § 9 Comments


but sometimes I just cant fake it to be with people who are seemingly happy. Of course I don’t really know what’s happening behind closed doors. I don’t blame them since nobody really wants to be with a person who is negative and sad about life. I am actually blessed that nothing really tragic happened during my childhood and that I live a some what comfortable life. I know some stories people have that had it tough growing up. My struggles are in my head that I need to breakthrough. I’m in my 20s now and I figured that I should be stronger with all I’ve been through and no excuses. But I’m not, I have ill thoughts in my mind (that I ask constant forgiveness). Years ago my ex abused me physically and emotionally but it doesn’t matter because I’m over it. I have also reached rock bottom with all the drugs I took. Definitely don’t want to go back to that. I should be more than this. I sometimes even avoid Facebook or Twitter since I can’t stand it to see people’s post. I cant even share this blog to my friends. I know that in this world it’s all survival that we do what we have to do even to put up a happy face. But what if one cannot be fit enough? The world will just swallow them alive. I would often be secured in my thoughts that I’m self aware of how shallow the world can be and that I have depth in me but out there it’s all superficial and I also get caught up with all of it. Long ago I have realized that no amount of material things can make me whole, it’s only temporary bliss.

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